Episode 121 — Dakota Johnson (Season 52)

[00:00:06] It's The Ten to One Podcast with your host Brad Oman featuring Ben Conowitz and Nate Lauchs and here's the podcast. Oh hey, how's it going? What are you doing? No, we need high energy. No, I've got no personality. Like Dakota Johnson? Yeah!

[00:00:31] I was like, no man, we gotta go high energy for this episode. That's what we're whispering. This episode did make me realize there's a very specific window with which Dakota Johnson works for me and we'll get to it. Oh, it's good to have you guys back. It's the second episode of the season and it's good to have all of our listeners back. It was like, you know, a big call back to gather again. A call to arms.

[00:00:58] A call to arms, really. It was like a Captain Planet thing coming together. Earth! Okay, come on! You guys are jerks, man. Come on! I put myself out there! Go on! Screw you! Do the rest of them! Wind! Water! Yes! Yes! With our powers combined. Is there a fourth one? No, it's Earth, fire, wind, water, and heart. Heart. Yeah. Okay, yeah.

[00:01:28] I bet it sucks to be the heart. Didn't plan it. He's a hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Okay. Same as the first one. All right, so Dakota Johnson's on the show this week. But before we get there, we've got some mailbag. Mailbag. Brad, mailbag song, please. Yep. Oh, look in the bag and you got some mail. Everybody gotta listen to that mail. Mail call.

[00:01:58] All right, so we've got a couple different things. And I want to start with this one. This is from Spotify, Jordan Aresman. Oh, not the company. Spotify said cease and desist. We are removing your podcast immediately. Effective immediately. That's off air mailbag, Nate. All right, he says, did the angry stepdad get laid? He was so docile and calm. Is he talking about you? Come on, man.

[00:02:26] That was the fastest we've ever gotten to the breadometer. Thanks for doing the pod. I look forward to it every week. And I've been listening since the beginning. I promise I'll try to learn your names over the next five years. All I've got so far is domitor. P.S. Does Cat's Eye count as the first SNL artificial or super intelligence musical guest? Oh, interesting. Brad, you seem to be the one on the show that has the problem with the AI or the SI, whatever it is.

[00:02:56] Or the AGI. What was the last part of the question? Does Cat's Eye count as the first SNL artificial intelligence musical group? Oh, I don't know anything about Cat's Eye. Just because of the way they were formed. I assume all their songs are written by artificial intelligence maybe. I mean, I don't know if that's true, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case. Well, because they want a show, right? Right. To be in the band. So I just don't get the AI connection. That's all. Maybe there is something that I don't know about. But either way, I appreciate the comment. Yeah, I do too.

[00:03:27] Did you guys watch any of their performance? No. There's one song that they have called Hootie Fruity. And it's definitely referencing their vagina. Is that really what it's called? Hootie Fruity? Yeah. Okay. And they say Hootie Fruity. All right. Here's a comment from Spotify as well. From Shelly. It says, Kevin Kuhl is my brother. SNL was such a huge part of our childhood.

[00:03:56] I don't know if you guys remember Kevin last week sent us an email. Oh, yeah. And Kevin then sent us a follow-up email. Oh, here we go. He says, Wow, thank you guys for reading and spelling my name on your podcast. Thrilled would be an understatement. You definitely made my family's night. Glad you're back. Nice. Aww. You know what, Kevin? You know what? Love you. Love you, buddy. We love you, man. Yeah. And you get, like, I assume it's Kuhl, which is a very cool last name. Yeah.

[00:04:26] So, that is all the mailbag we have. If you want to give us a comment on our YouTube. Actually, Jordan was on YouTube, not Spotify. But Spotify email. Nothing through our normal. I want to interrupt here real quick. I got one little follow-up. Oh, I was hoping. Yeah. So, I've got my own mailbag. There is a follow-up to Mr. Andy Tolsky, who I kissed at the beginning of last episode. Yeah. He sent us a nice series of videos, Brad.

[00:04:55] Do you want to discuss them at all? Yes. What would you like to say about one of those videos? Well, one of them felt very accusatory. Yeah. Well, let's not have you. Let's just go to the facts. Nate, what happened in these string of Andy Tolsky videos? Not how Brad feels about them. There's a couple things. All right. And you should feel accused. No. Hey. And a couple different things. See? No, here's the thing. Facts. Facts. We want facts. The facts is Andy told you to tell us about the emails. I want to get that out there.

[00:05:23] Andy did tell Brad Oman about the emails in the mailbag. And you never shared. And you never shared them. Not until I did. No. No. No. He literally sent me this text when I was in Los Angeles the week before SNL came back. Don't care where you're at. Text work, wherever you're at. I told you to check right before we recorded the first episode so that we could do it. I know, but he's been sending messages all summer. And it sounds like he was telling you after he sent each message. No.

[00:05:52] Well, that's not his account of the facts, sir. So either way, we got some piss poor communication somehow. Classic us. So clearly Brad's blaming Andy directly. There's another part of this. And the better part to me is that Brad has been mispronouncing Nate Laux's name. Well, not mispronouncing. He's saying it right. Sorry, sorry. I'm putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable. He's been misenunciating. He just doesn't do a good Don Pardo. And we've been saying this for a long time. He's been misenunciating.

[00:06:21] And I'm being harsh to do a bit. I mean, you say it fine to me. But Don Pardo would probably say it this way. When Tuhulski told me about this, and I agreed with him, and I think that what I did in my head is I did somewhat of a combination of Don Pardo and the way Daryl Hammond does it to contemporize it a little bit. Okay, so let's get the two out there. You say his name like what now? And just do a little bit of the intro. Nate Laux. Right? Yeah.

[00:06:50] It's very, very pointy. And Tuhulski thinks I should do it. Nate Laux. Because that is a more Pardo-esque way that he would say Nate Laux. Yeah, it's a lot more elongated. But you know what? Not going to do it. And he's doing it out of spite, though. I want to be very clear. It's not because he's right. You agree. But spite with love. But you agree. Don Pardo would do it the way Andy says. Oh, sure. But you're not going to do it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, you know what? Lead a horse to some things.

[00:07:20] What things? It's the 10 to 1 podcast with Ben Conowitz and Nate Laux. That's how you do it. Yeah. All right. You guys ready to get into the episode or no? Are you ready to party? Yeah, let's do it, man. Let's do it, do it, do it. All right. Here we go. We open at the Republican headquarters where a team of strategists is trying to shoot campaign ads for the midterms.

[00:07:48] And this is kind of a cold open where they've got a bunch of different cast members in this. Marcelo Hernandez plays Marco Rubio. Colin Jost is Pete Hegseth. And Jeremy Colleen walks out as J.D. Vance. Mikey Day rolls in as Mitch McConnell and tries to do the live from New York. But he doesn't because Donald Trump, played by James Austin Johnson, comes in.

[00:08:13] This was an interesting one because I actually got two text messages about this cold open from friends that know I love SNL. And they happen to be watching. And they actually thought this was really good. They thought it was really funny. Now, let me say this. They're also very politically liberal. They're very like... And so I feel like they were maybe not watching it with a lens that maybe you, the three of us would. What did you think of this one?

[00:08:43] This was fine. That's kind of what I was thinking. It's nothing all that different from what we expect at this point. I was a little shocked that they liked it as much as they did, honestly. Yeah. And good for them, I guess. I'm glad they did. I don't know how often they watch SNL or anything like that. But yeah, I think to me this was just okay. I think for me the best part was probably Mikey Day as Mitch McConnell was very funny.

[00:09:09] But yeah, if anything, I was also a little disappointed that they did bring Trump in at the very end. I thought they could have just stuck to doing the gamut of... That was it for me. Yeah. I was so happy that this was better than most political... And by a measure. And then when they still kept... I was like, please just end it. Please just end it. And then he came in. And I love James Austin Johnson. We always say, yes, Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes he doesn't... He's not needed. Yeah.

[00:09:36] And then the monologue or whatever, the show starts later. Everything's longer. You get less sketches in. Just for what? For such a diminished return by now. Yeah. Although to be fair, I think that in this case, the reason there were fewer sketches was not because of the cold open. That's fair. It was definitely not. I guess maybe I'm just selfish, guys. I want more sketches. No, I agree. I 100% agree. But it does.

[00:10:03] These cold opens like this tend to, if you're not careful, if you don't have a spin on it, it just looks like a rehashing of the political headlines of the week. And it kind of just did that to me. It's like, okay, there's another... Mitch McConnell's old. And again, Mikey Day... KZ, great impression. They hadn't done anything with that, so you get a pass on that. But it's like, okay, what else are we going to do that's somewhat new or interesting that isn't just them doing the characters,

[00:10:30] saying the same thing that those people said in real life that week. Right. Right. So, all right. Moving on. Monologue. Dakota Johnson with a special guest. Dakota Johnson opens her third time hosting with her birthday at a dig at her box office by Madame Webb. She talks about two of her public breakups. So, one of them is... Yeah, I didn't know. I had to look it up, actually. Chris Martin. Yeah, she was with Chris Martin for like eight years.

[00:11:00] I didn't know any of this. What was his other one? I don't know. I wasn't familiar with the other one. It was so weird. Then, there's a special guest that walks on. I did not know that they were good friends, but apparently they are. Taylor Swift walks on as a friend. And there was some good banter between the two of them. That was kind of probably my favorite part about the monologue. Ben, what did you think of this? No, that's exactly my feelings. Taylor Swift can act. She can act in a sketch. She's funny. Yeah, she is.

[00:11:30] So, that was good. It was just a little weird, kind of going right back to the musician dating thing, kind of over and over. Yeah, and honestly, it felt a little too... Look at me? Yeah. I'm so famous that everybody would know this is a thing. To go to that well that often, you would have to think she is the most famous person. I don't even know what the hell she's talking about. And it also came off as kind of like a little bit of mean girl energy, too.

[00:11:58] Well, that's what she was trying to portray, but... Yeah, but not in a way that was appealing. She's a little too much of a sasshole. Yeah, it's very self-important. And the joke about her, like, I'm doing everybody else a favor by dating these women, or these guys. And it's just like, I don't care. Yeah, that's just weird. It's just a weird take. Yeah. That's all. Yeah, I agree. Happy birthday, though. But though, the back and forth between her and Taylor was great. Yeah. I would love to see Taylor Swift host again. I would too, yeah. Maybe bring on her husband.

[00:12:28] That'd be fun. Pass. Hey, he's not the worst athlete that's ever hosted. No, no, I want him to keep passing. Oh! Oh! So, Dakota Johnson hosted, this is her third time. The first time she hosted, do you know what year it was? I'm going to say 2017. Close. Do you want to take a guess or no? I'm going to say it was 2014. 2015. What would that be for, probably? Probably Fifty Shades of Grey. Yeah.

[00:12:57] And then Alabama Shakes were the musical guest. Then she did it again a couple years ago. We were doing the show by then. That was for, that was probably for Madam Web. Yeah, it was last year. She mentioned in the monologue. Justin Timberlake was. She said, I was here last year for the movie Madam Web. Oh my God. Have you already forgotten? But yeah. So that is hers. All right, let's move on. Probably for Madam Web. Did you see Madam Web? Probably for Madam Web. Did you see Madam Web? Yeah, of course I did. I don't know if you did because it was so bad. It's hilarious. It's hilariously bad.

[00:13:27] She was probably for Madam Web. Is it that bad in acting or just the plot? I heard it was the everything. The acting isn't quite so bad, but it's like. Can she act? I don't know if Dakota Johnson can act. Yeah, she has a limited range, I would say. But it's more so just you could tell that they were really trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. They just had nothing to work with.

[00:13:55] And everyone's kind of doing their best. It's just weird. It's just a very weird movie. All right. Okay. All right. Moving on. Press Your Luck. This is a parody of the game show Press Your Luck. Obviously, Dakota Johnson hosts as Elizabeth Banks and Ashley Padilla plays Sherry, a contestant who keeps winning absurd amounts of money and still can't stop playing. Marcelo Hernandez and Kenan Thompson are also in this sketch. I don't know, guys.

[00:14:25] I don't know. I like Ashley Padilla in this sketch because she gives it her all. She gives it her all. And it's funny. But this felt like a sketch that would be on all that. It didn't feel like a sketch that should be on an adult sketch, late night sketch comedy show. It felt like it was a very family-friendly comedy sketch. It felt very one note. Ashley Padilla was – it's kind of like when you make Kenan do Kenan stuff.

[00:14:53] It's like, okay, the sketch was just Kenan doing Kenan stuff, which I'm going to laugh at. And Ashley Padilla doing Ashley Padilla stuff, I'm going to laugh at. But it's like it wasn't much, though. There just wasn't a lot to it. There wasn't really enough escalation. It was just like, you're going to keep on going? I thought that – and again, good Lord, I bow down to the comedy writers on SNL. They are just really funny people. I just thought about the shock of it ending with her winning $5 million and then it was a ruse the whole time. She drops the accent and walks out or something.

[00:15:23] That's the kind of switch I need to see in this sketch to make it funny. There's got to be something that happens because the progression to an escalation from Padilla's character – but it's not even – it's just the money going from $1 million to $5 million is not real escalation, right? That's just a change of a – I don't know. I did like Kenan and Marcelo getting mad at her. Yeah, no, I did like that. Their outbursts were funny. Yeah, that was good. Yeah.

[00:15:50] There was some funny bits about this, but I really – after the cold open, after the monologue, I'm like, okay, let's do this. I know. Let's do it. All right. It's a bloop single. We're looking for at least a triple, guys. All right, moving on. This is a pre-tape, Mean Scary Girlfriend. This is a parody for a mean scary girlfriend, a woman who tells you the unvarnished truth about yourself, whether you asked or not. Dakota Johnson plays her with an icicle stare laying into her boyfriend's,

[00:16:20] a friend who's wildly over the top and a dog that clearly hates the guy. This felt very similar to the Please Don't Destroy sketch that they had Dakota Johnson in, where she's just really good at playing a mean girl. Yes. This is why it works so well. This is the speed. This is the one note? Is this the one note? This is the one. This is the speed that she really works at for me. She's really good at being cold and just sounding – Having an icy demeanor.

[00:16:47] Yeah, exactly, and just sounding like she's better than you and just treating you like shit in a very quiet way. And it was very funny. All the things that she said, all the reactions from the various boyfriends who were part of it, that this was a very good sketch and it made good use of Dakota Johnson. I re-watched the Please Don't Destroy sketch with her. Hold on. I want to go back to what Ben said. Say that again? It's fine. Yeah. Is this because it hits too close to home? You've dated a lot of women like this over the years? I don't really think that that's relevant.

[00:17:15] I think the sketch was stupid. It was a stupid sketch. All right, then. A little personal. No. Be better, SNL. How many mean, scary girlfriends have you had, Ben? Be better, SNL. So I'm sorry. Let's move on, okay? No, not you, Ashley. No. No, no. Before you had mean, scary girlfriends. Yeah. Okay. She's on the couch saying that that's – You know what? Let's just move on. Let's move on. Let's move on. We're going to move on.

[00:17:45] We're going to talk later. You're going to get a shaggy hobo. Anyway. All right. No, I thought this was very good. I think this is obviously by this point the best one of the night, and it worked really well for Dakota Johnson, and I wasn't mad about it. Ben, what did you really think of the sketch? No, a lot of it is super just spot on. I have been in those relationships. That's spot on on a lot of them, and the escalation here was great. And you're right.

[00:18:14] This is the sliver that she walks that is very, very mean girl, a good use of your screen time. Although there is – I think it's the next sketch. There's a little glimmer of, oh, okay, maybe. Exactly. That's when it's good. Yeah. Good to see Tommy Brennan in sketch. I was a little harsh on Tommy Brennan last episode. Yeah. You know, he's funny, isn't he? Yeah. The Brennan people got with me. You know, the mailbag that we didn't share was the hate that we're getting on you for making such light of the career of the wonderful Tommy Brennan.

[00:18:43] There are so many Brennan stans out there, but I'm super sorry about – They're Brennan stanses. They're Tony stanza and Tommy Brennan fans. But, yeah, good to see him. He's in another pre-tape, which seems to be the only vehicle he's been in. What's your problem with him? But anyway – Is he too handsome for you? Yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah. He has better hair than you. Are you upset to him? Oh. You shut your mouth.

[00:19:13] Is it upsetting that he looks more like a Turning Point USA person than me? All right. Moving on. Hospital gossip. Three hospital employees trade gossip in the break room, but the man who keeps hovering at the edge of the conversation is Eric from Legal, played by Jeremy Culhane. He makes painfully lonely confessions about himself, and the third person keeps leaning in way too close. Kenan Thompson wanders in as Jermaine with the actual T.

[00:19:39] This has Dakota Johnson, Ashley Padilla, Sarah Sherman, Jeremy Culhane, and Kenan Thompson in it. I just got to say this, and I know you two disagree with me, and I'll go on an island here. I love Jeremy Culhane. Oh, my gosh. I knew it was coming. You guys are on the Tommy Brennan train, but I'm on the Jeremy Culhane. I've been a Culhaneac since day one. No, you haven't. I have. Okay. Revisionist history. Revisionist history. Listen back. You guys have your camp. I have my camp, and I'm in the Jeremy Culhane camp.

[00:20:08] I don't like to put people in the camps. You know what? Culhaney is almost sounds like Mulaney. Okay. He could be the next John Mulaney. We saw it first, and I called it. Yeah. Okay. What if that happens? He's just so funny. What did you think of this one, Brad? Yeah. I thought this was great, and it felt like it was right in Culhane's lane. Rhymes. And Kenan was a fun addition to this one as well. And yeah, I liked the escalation.

[00:20:37] And this was one where Dakota Johnson was actually playing a character and did a pretty good job with her voice and was into the sketch. Serviceable. Yeah. I felt it was a little long, though. Could have maybe got one less iteration of him being sad on himself. Yep. Agreed. But again, that's just a timing thing. I'd rather have them try for an extra one than not get a good laugh. Yeah. But yeah, no, it was very funny. A couple of those things really caught me off guard. Yeah. And that's obviously a lot of fun. You know, I love a good workplace sketch as well.

[00:21:07] Really like this one. And yeah, maybe talking about this episode is going to make me like it a little bit more. I was going to say, I had thoughts when you were talking about that you were... I did tell these guys before we recorded. I didn't love this episode, but maybe I'll like it better by the time we're done. All right. Guns for Women. Commercial parody for a handgun made just for women. Dakota Johnson shows off a pink pistol designed to look like the female anatomy, which the ad calls the vegan.

[00:21:37] The gun. The gun. The gun. The woman trying it out are not into it. One announces she's leaving and remembers her own house. This is back down. There's some good stuff here. Dakota Johnson, Ash Padilla, Sarah Sherman, and others. Here's the thing is, I thought this was funny conceptually. Yeah. It didn't work fully in how it came out. Oh, no. I disagree. I thought it was great. Yeah. I agree.

[00:22:06] See, I thought conceptually it was funny. Is it because you wanted to see the gun? Maybe. I think that this was a great take on it. I think it came out the way that you want something like this to come out. I do. Let me say this. This kind of reminded me of the 90s SNL. It was under two minutes. And we don't see a lot of pre-tape, anything under two minutes anymore. Yeah. Which I do appreciate. I actually. So you just liked it because it was shorter? No, no, no.

[00:22:34] I'm just saying I like two to two and a half minute sketches sometimes. And I feel like sketches now are five to six minutes almost every time. I would argue that when it comes to pre-tapes that are commercial parodies, they usually do keep them pretty tight. I don't know. I feel like how long was. How. I don't have it in front of me, but how long was Mean Scary Girlfriend? That's not a commercial parody. I know. In the same way. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. But it just. Yeah. I mean, it was almost a commercial parody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mean Scary Girlfriend.

[00:23:03] Yeah, it almost kind of was. It's. It's. That's one of those sketches where it's kind of framed like commercial, but it's not really emulating the tone of a real commercial. Yeah. Where this is really going for like. It feels like it has the vibe of. It's an advertisement. It almost felt like Mean Scary Girlfriend brought to you by, you know, and they do something at the end there. What I liked about this one the most actually was I like the variation when they're doing the thing where the person who is talking about the product is very excited about it. And everyone else is like, no, we don't want that. What are you doing?

[00:23:32] It's almost Tim and Eric. Yeah. Type stuff. And when it goes absurd like that, I really like it. Yeah. No. The line of the night is glunt. Yes. That made me. I just. I laughed out loud at that. You know what it sounds like. It was so funny, dude. No. There is some. I'm leaving, but this is your house. There was some good, like, you know, one liners that did make me laugh.

[00:24:02] I just didn't think it was. It was as funny. I just thought it could have been funnier. But I laughed. Okay. All right. Well. Because there's a lot of women, Nate. What are we doing? Have problems laughing? What are you doing? What is it? They moved the goalposts. Hey. All right. Moving on. Throne of the Dragonborn. Are you guys Game of Thrones fans? I watched all of Game of Thrones, but I haven't watched any of the. Actually, I watched the finale. What a waste. I watched it. I did. Why would you do that?

[00:24:30] Because I'm never going to watch the series. It's a weirdo. Ever. I never saw one episode of it to begin with. Yeah. My family was really into it. My mom and dad and my brother. So I came over to watch the series finale. And I tried to be quiet the whole time. I really did. Why are you saying it like that? It's finale. It's finale. For now. It's finale. It's a finale. I've been in Italy lately. It's a finale. So anyway. Anyway. All right.

[00:24:56] So this is a sketch where Dakota Johnson plays a queen trying to have private dramatic scenes with a knight, but her pet dragon keeps interrupting. Private dramatic scenes. Private dramatic scenes. She's trying to have sex. Intimates. Intimates. Intimates. What are your favorite movies? The ones with private dramatic scenes. The dragon is a bigger library. Have you guys seen how many private dramatic scenes there are on the internet these days? Man. Are there some sites for it?

[00:25:23] www.adultintimacy.com. Look it up. Don't talk to me. No. Go to it. Go to it. Do not do it. Look it up. If you're at your computer right now or on your phone, please go to it. Type it in. Send us a message or an email. Let us know what the website is. What Ben just sent you to. Let us know what Ben just sent you to. We want to know what the website is. You can't do that. And we want it described. Darn it. Please. Oh, I can't believe I just said that. All right. So this has Ben Marshall in it.

[00:25:53] Kenan Thompson. What did you think of this one, Rob? Yeah. This one was funny. I enjoyed this one. Just kidding. No. I thought this one had weird timing. I was just saying, okay. Also, the dragon was, it felt like they got to a certain point where the dragon was like, wow, this looks really good. Oh, shit. We forgot about the neck. Let's get one of those ball pit tubes and we'll just make it look different. I don't know.

[00:26:21] It was incredibly impressive to have a full marionette puppet of a dragon. And I did like when they made it talk. That was funny. It's incredible. They threw that together in probably three days, two days. But something about the pacing of the sketch just didn't feel like it landed for me. I think that the camera's cutting was a little off. Yeah. And that can kill something that dramatic, right? Where you've got, you've got to get back to that dragon pretty damn quick. Yeah. I don't know. It was a great attempt. I just want to point that out.

[00:26:50] I love swings. And at least it was a swing. Also, correct me if I'm wrong. She did say Dojo, right? Yes. But his name was Jogo? Yes. Okay. Because I do remember thinking that's not the name. Yeah. Especially when it was on the screen. That's not how you'd say that. Oops. Because in Game of Thrones, it's Drogo, right? Call Drago was a name. I know. But wasn't one of the dragons Drogo, though? I don't remember. I don't know. Ivan. Caitlyn, you would remember. Ivan Drago. Is it? She thinks so? Okay.

[00:27:20] No, it's Ivan Drago brand. Oh, that's from Rocky IV. Yeah. Don't tell me. He's the one who's guessing. Yeah. That's how many thrones there are. Drogon. Game of Thrones. Drogon. Drogon. Drogon. Rhaegal and Viserion are the dragon names, just to let you guys know. I know there's a lot of our listeners that will get upset and send me the ... I don't know if you know this. Nate mail. We call it Nate mail. There's a ... That's pretty good. I don't know why we haven't said that before. Well, if you love the show, send us some fan mail. If you didn't, send us some Nate mail. Yeah.

[00:27:50] There's a circle of people that love Tommy Brennan and Game of Thrones. Yeah. And I'm going to find them all. All right. Moving on. Let's go to Weekend Update. Get your computer out. I hate that. Can we change that one? The person doing it. Wow. All right. For those of you that are long-time listeners, you know that the Predometer is a rating between

[00:28:15] zero and 100 based on Brad's kind of feelings for how this Weekend Update connected the hosts. We also got feedback in that mailbag that was the Predometer or whatever it's called. It's the Bradometer, Nate. The Bradometer. Bradometer. Yes. What did they say? I believe you get in such a cadence with it, I don't think that one you're enunciating at all. Bradometer? Yeah.

[00:28:45] Bradometer. Ba-da-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. But no. So I just wanted to point out. It is the Bradometer. I've been saying it the whole time. So shut your dirty mouth. Well, you're both saying stuff wrong on the podcast. I'm just trying to point it out. Oh, it's classic from this guy. It's Drogon. All right. You have your number planted. Yep. All right. Let's talk about it. Buddy, this was in comparison to last week. This is 112. Okay. Yeah. This is better. But overall. Overall. 12.

[00:29:13] No, but just in comparison to the fact that last week was nothing. What did you have last week? It's like 62 or something like that. It was in the 60s. It was nothing. So this would be a rocket ship. Better. It's got to get up. But in the overall. But this is also like 94 minutes. It was long. It was very, very long. Yeah. But I still think the banter was huge. I mean, they were back and forth constantly. It was the longest weekend update in 10 plus seasons. Wow. Yeah. It was 19 minutes and 55 seconds. Yeah. Wow.

[00:29:43] I was fine with that though because I really love when they are firing and I like this a Here's the thing is I like weekend update but I also like sketches and I know you don't but like because here's the thing. I like funny things, Nate. I don't care what the format is. Since when? All right. I'm going to go with. You're still so mad. 78. No, it's got to be up like 84. 85. All right. Jeez, that's really high. You thought this was great. Well, like Ben said, there was a lot of playful banter between them. Okay.

[00:30:13] Yes, there was. But I also, I think because last week was so bad, I think you just got impressed. No, I mean I am impressed but it's... You just got impressed. This felt like a good week. Based on like... This felt like a really good weekend update. Yes. Yeah. Not only was the banter between Che and Jost great but like the interaction between the guests at the desk and Che and Jost were also very funny. The jokes for the headlines were way better this week than we were last week. I said it first. Everything about...

[00:30:40] You can't say stop agreeing with him when I'm the one that said it first. He's responding to my... It's like you're following heads orders. Everything about weekend update was infinitely better than last week. Agreed. Agreed. It was okay. Bye. No, it was good. It was much better than last week. I'll give you that. I think you're a little high. Very sure. In a couple ways but for sure with this. It's just rude. This is rude. All right. Let's go on to weekend update. Andy Tahlholski listens to this. Yeah.

[00:31:10] And he... And he would never stoop to that love. To make fun of Brad? No. He does it in the right way. Yeah. Where he'll say something like, now I could never do what Brad does. Here's why he's a piece of shit. Right. And you got to carve it out. It's like saying all due respect and then you just say the C word. Yeah, exactly. Or the people that say like, I'm not trying to be mean but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're going to say the meanest thing that you've ever heard in your life. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because it seems like you're trying. Yep. Seems like you're trying to be mean.

[00:31:39] Or you don't have to try but you are mean. So, Brad. All right. Let's go with bet number one. Link and Jason. Mikey Day and Marcel Hernandez. Mikey Day plays Link from The Legend of Zelda. Marcel Hernandez plays Jason from GTA 6. You guys are video gamers. I'm not... I mean, that's being generous. I occasionally play video games. I'm a gamer. Okay. But I will... I'm a retired gamer. To follow that suit though, I will say one of the things that was annoying is that

[00:32:07] the cheap shot of that people who play video games don't have sex anymore. Like... Well... This is just not... This is a stereotype that has been perpetuated since nerds were not cool anymore. But nerd culture is regular culture. Now video games are huge. And GTA is going to be one of the biggest things in pop culture history. Yeah. So like this... To say that like... Oh no, I don't play video games. So I had sex. Like fuck you, Colin Jones. Just because your wife's Scarlett Johansson, you don't get to be an asshole. I think he does though.

[00:32:34] Like I think that does earn him like the right to be a jerk. Maybe a little bit. No, no. I love that joke. That was... That was a great joke. It was incredible. What? The Colin Jones joke. It was great. Saying that... No, because I don't play video games. I have sex. Yeah. It's a really great joke. No, it's not. It's lazy. It's one of the easiest things to make. It's like saying, oh, you read books. So you must be a virgin. So I feel like you probably play more video games than you're willing to admit. No, I think that... No, genuinely. I seriously don't. I don't play tons of video games.

[00:33:04] But like it's such a lazy... Like that's like something that like someone who's 50 would like would say who still thinks about video games in that way. Or like calling somebody a nerd because they read comment books. Ben's almost 50. Hey, calm down. Yeah. But it's such a retro... No, I think that that's why it's funny because you're not allowed to say it like that anymore. You can't call that kind of behavior out anymore. So it's risque to say it. I disagree. I don't think it was intended like that at all. No? No. Okay. It felt dumb.

[00:33:32] Thankfully, everything that followed was hilarious. The dichotomy between the GTA character and Link was so funny. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Especially the Che knows. Yeah. Che knows. That's improv escalation there. And I love it so much. Mikey knows when to push the button and when to keep it going. Beep, beep, beep, beep. It was very good. Especially the improv too when he broke the fairy. Yes. That was perfect. That was spot on. Just good stuff.

[00:34:02] And they're just wonderful together. And just two pros at the desk right there. All right. Weekend Update bit two. Cam Patterson on the Glee reboot. Cam Patterson sits down and shares his thoughts on the Glee reboot. And appears to know a lot about it. Are they really rebooting Glee? I don't know. Actually, maybe. I thought this. I'm like, I haven't heard anything about this. I'm sure. He might have just mentioned that maybe he was thinking about it. Yeah.

[00:34:26] Cam Patterson hasn't had a ton of time behind the Weekend Update desk. But he's had some. What did you think of this one, Ben? No. This did not work for me. Did he do this before? No. Where the bit ended up being that the white writers were writing for him? No. I don't think so. Because it feels very familiar. And I don't know why. But I love when Cam Patterson talks about Cam Patterson as Cam Patterson.

[00:34:57] That's what I want to see. Well, and they did that at the end of the sketch. I know. But like 80% of it was this kind of weird. I hope. Yeah. I hope you think I'm serious that I really am to do this show. Like just get you. It's way too much setup for what it'll be. Because it was Cam Patterson, I thought that was funny though. Yeah. There is something amusing about someone with Cam Patterson's voice talking enthusiastically about Glee. Sure. Especially because Glee was so silly back in the day. Sure.

[00:35:26] Were you a Glee watcher? I watched the first few seasons and then I started getting sick of it. And I fell away from it. It was funny to start with and I did appreciate the music like the acapella remixes and mashups and stuff they did. They did some good stuff. But then it just kind of got inconsistent and really just I wasn't liking it as much anymore. But yeah. So I appreciated this. I don't think this was like a runaway hit or anything like that. But I thought it was amusing. Ben, did you watch Glee? No. Will you watch it now? No.

[00:35:54] I didn't watch the I didn't have time. I was too busy getting laid. Yeah. That sounds about right. That's a callback, Brad. That was a callback. I was playing video games. I know you were. I know you were, buddy. It's okay. It's all right. All right. Moving on. Nate's all of a sudden on the jocks team over here with me. Yeah. It's all right. Debbie Mush, matchmaker played by Sarah Sherman. Sarah Sherman returns to the desk as Debbie Mush allowed New York matchmaker.

[00:36:22] Does this character work for you? Do you like it? Let's go with you, Ben. Well, yes. I think that this works on every level because actually she's the one that introduced Ashley and I. Did you know that? No. That's awesome. Yeah. My fiancee, Ashley. Cool. All right. Well, I'm glad that she introduced you because you were desperate for somebody. Yeah. No. Ashley and I are.

[00:36:52] She's the only person that will accept you. Ashley and I are getting hitched. What did you think of this one, Braver? I love a good Sarah Sherman bit like this. And if anything, I really like that this didn't turn into her roasting Jost. It was just a fun bit with Che. Yeah. And like kind of mocking his dating life and just the outlandish options she had. And I just loved. Her voice is perfect. Yeah. The voice was great. The fast talking. Just the fact that she was able to keep that energy going the entire time. That's impressive in itself. Here's what I love about the impression.

[00:37:18] You can start off with a couple of things that you've memorized to say in the accent. Mm-hmm. Because you can do short form impression like that. Yeah. Get away with a lot because it's pretty repeatable, whatever sounds. But you got a couple preloaded. No, she kept going back to saying those words the way she was saying them, but they were all different. Yeah. So she wrote the entire character like that. It's brilliant. Yeah. Loved it. That's the kind of character where she knows somebody who talks like that and she can easily just bring it in. It's a wonderful. Yeah. Just well done, Sarah.

[00:37:47] It was also not a Colin Jost roast, which was unique for this. Because usually Sarah Sherman comes out and roast Colin Jost. Now, I think the last time it was Che as well. I think the last time she did a character, it was on Chase. It was like a little bit of a switch, but yeah, that's great. So the prior record for Weekend Update was 17 minutes, 45 seconds. And this one took about a third of the show.

[00:38:17] Do we like that, Brad? I mean, I like it in the sense that it was funny. And since this was an episode where we probably weren't going to get a lot of breakout awesome sketches because Dakota Johnson is not the strongest host or comedic personality, I think I'm fine with this happening every now and then. You don't want a consistent 20-minute Weekend Update, though. No, I mean, I'm fine with it in this context, but I don't need that to happen all the time. I would much rather see a variety of sketches than a super long Weekend Update.

[00:38:46] Do you think that Lauren ever takes that into consideration? The front half of the show, the host is the problem for sure. And then he goes, okay, add the third Weekend Update bit? I don't know. You know, I think for Lauren, it's probably more so about what's just the funniest. Right. Either way, you know, if the audience connected with a lot of Weekend Update stuff, then keep it all in, and that's the funniest thing. Because, you know, you're trying to figure out how to do things, you know, the night of the show when he's setting the final lineup. Yeah, I was just wondering about that.

[00:39:15] Like, if the host is really struggling, are they going to try to limit their screen time a little bit more? Yeah. Because of that, I don't know. So rank from funniest to least funniest the three Weekend Update bits. 3, 1, 2. The funniest was Link and GTA guy, Jason. Oh, you think Sarah Sherman was the funniest? Yeah. Okay, and you think Link. I think Link and GTA was funniest, and then Sarah, and then Cam. Me too. I mean, I think the reverse of the first one, yeah. All right, moving on. Get ready with me.

[00:39:45] This was a slumber party sketch. A group of girls at a slumber party scroll through Get Ready With Me videos on their phones. Dakota Johnson is in this. She gets more hinged with every video. Meanwhile, James Johnson-Johnson plays a despondent dad, drifting through the story coming back and forth, popping open the door, kind of just saying weird stuff. Did this sketch work for you? I wanted more from this. I didn't think James Johnson-Johnson. I just thought it was just odd. I don't know.

[00:40:16] The whole Get Ready With Me thing didn't work for me. James Johnson-Johnson being awkward as a dad didn't work for me. What? It just didn't. It just bit well for me. I don't know. The James Johnson-Johnson stuff I thought was hilarious. No, he's funny. It just didn't all work together for me for some reason. Ben, what did you think? Yeah, I don't know. It was weird. You're right. That's what I'm saying. It's just weird to me. Him ending up in the bushes with her is a true escalation, obviously.

[00:40:46] But it was A to D at that point because it doesn't track that he would go from just leaving the door. I don't know. It doesn't live within its own universe, the whole bit that they're doing. Yeah, I mean, there's a little bit of a leap in logic there. But I don't know. I appreciated the weirdness of it. If anything, I think I might have preferred it if Dakota Johnson was able to be more weird and do a proper character. I think that had something to do with it, too. Yeah. Because you're like, I'm waiting for something to truly either shock me or make me laugh. Yeah.

[00:41:14] And it was just kind of like, oh, we know where this is going. Like if Emma Stone did this sketch, it would have been awesome. Yeah. You're right. Maybe that would have worked better. Yeah. So I think that would have helped. But I still thought everything- If Jacob Elordi would have done it, it would have been amazing. I thought everything James Austin Johnson said when he came to the door was hilarious. He made me laugh. It just felt awkward. It didn't fit in that. I want to see that character somewhere else. Yeah. I want to see that move. Because that's a really, really funny bit. Yeah. But it just, yeah, the whole thing just didn't work for me.

[00:41:42] Even though, like, I will admit, the problem was not James Austin Johnson. Yeah. Well, maybe you should have started there. Yeah. That hurt our feelings. I'm saying that you didn't think he was funny. That really hurt my feelings. You agreed with me. Play the tape. That's what I'm saying. I appreciate you. Don't Nate's plain to me. Yeah, exactly. Okay. All right. Amazing Tales of the Truth. This is the final sketch of the night. Or the what sketch? The 10 to 1. Last sketch. All right. It's the 10 to 1 sketch.

[00:42:10] Andrew Smukes introduces a short story about a patient in a coma. Did this work for you? Was this your favorite sketch of the night, Brad? No. But it also, I didn't think it was bad, though. It was weirdly short. This is, this now, if we're talking about, that was a sketch straight out of the 90s. This is a sketch straight out of Gilda Radner in the 1970s. This is a beautiful song being sung and then a bit. And that's a 70s style.

[00:42:39] Because Veronica Sloakoska is just. She's wonderful. She got pipes. So that's exactly the format of this. It would be like what a Gilda Radner type thing would do. Yeah. So I respected it. It wasn't the funniest thing I've ever seen. I do wonder if there's a longer version of the sketch, though, where they had different attempts to bring him back and maybe got cut for time or something like that. Because it did feel like it was strangely short and it didn't quite be, wasn't worthy of It was only like two minutes. The setup, you know?

[00:43:07] Because the setup almost took longer than the actual. And to me, I thought that's absurdist in that 70s way. And so maybe that worked unintentionally that way. Yeah. Because I read it like that and I really appreciate it. It was funny. Also, to our listeners that are watching the show on YouTube, they just watched the sketch. You will not find it on there. Probably because of the song rights. And so you had to watch it live. Or you go to Peacock and watch it.

[00:43:33] Or actually, Brad, just sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow right now and hold your hands over your boobs like a bikini. And now you are her. Oh, yeah. Close your eyes, Nate. You can hear it. Over the rainbow. So it goes good. You get it, girl. We believe in you. Okay, let's stop the bit. Let's just stop the bit. Let's stop the bit. All right, my white C words. Glunt.

[00:44:04] All right. There was a Reddit thread of someone that went to the... The live show? The dress rehearsal. Oh, okay. And there's a couple... By the way, you Redditors that do this, you're like my favorite people because I love to read what happened. I love to read. I love to read. I love to read. I love gold. Sorry. Sorry, Nate. I'm sorry. I'm having a serious podcast.

[00:44:34] Okay, I'm sorry. All right. And I feel bad. And the differences between the live show and the show. Anyway, a couple sketches. CPR class sketch. Dakota and Jane play roommates who keep choking. That sounds funny. Yeah, I think it could be. They said... You said it so disappointed, Brad. That sounds funny. No, the person that wrote this did say it was one of the funniest of the night and they

[00:45:03] were surprised they didn't make the show. But I wonder if it was a time thing. Yeah, maybe. And then there was a raviola sketch. They said it was just really awkward. Second Amazing Tales of Truth sketch. Family's Dog. Oh, so there was a second. Isn't they going to do an anthology? Oh, that's interesting. A Family's Dog dies and a look-alike turns up. Then Andrew Spooks appears at the end. Think about if they just do that. Will they still do dress rehearsal stuff at a later show?

[00:45:33] They've done that before. Because then maybe that's something to look out for then this coming episode. Maybe they could do another one. Because maybe they were staging them out like that. This Redditor says that that was the better of the two. The one that made it to air? No, the one that did not make it to air. Oh, okay. But the one that made it to air was shorter. So I'm going to guess. Yeah, probably a ton of three. Okay.

[00:45:55] And they said that Weekend Update, Jost and Che did cut a lot from their part to get the bits in there. So, yeah. Oh, yeah. They would have had to. Yeah. But let's talk a little bit more about the show. What did you think? Did you like this better than last week? Yeah. Oh, yeah. For sure. This is a definite improvement off last week. I'm trying to keep my head in order here.

[00:46:21] If last week was like a two, then I'd think that this was at least a four and a half. Yeah. This was a mostly enjoyable episode. I agree. It's not a five. It's not above half. But it is better. It was like, and I hate to say the word more bad than good, more good than bad. But it hedged bad a little bit more than it was good. But overall, pretty solid episode. Like, honestly, like 60-40. Yeah. If anything, I think that this had stuff that was like just down the middle. Yeah. Which isn't great. Slightly less than the middle. Not the flex we went with that.

[00:46:50] A couple great sketches, but. A couple okay sketches. The Weekend Update stuff, though, that really saved it. Yeah. And if that's the thing that's saving the show, then overall the show was, if you take that away, now that's a pretty, like, you got one or two sketches and that's about it. I think Mean Scary Girlfriend's a pretty good. That's a good one. We're going to get there. MVP of the night. Mean Scary Girlfriend. It's not even MVP. MVP. Most valuable player. Oh, that's my most valuable sketch. He's just doing this because he didn't think of one.

[00:47:20] No, no. It's Sarah Sherman. It is Sarah Sherman. I have Sarah Sherman in it. I was going to say, but then you, now I just look like I'm. Oh, you're solid. You don't know if you think about it. You're going to go Sarah Sherman like the rest of us did. Of course you are. You're such a freaking copycat. Oh, my God. I hate you all so much. Yeah. I want my time back. All right. You could have went with, like, Jeremy Klein. I went with Sarah Sherman. I went with Sarah Sherman. All right. Sketch of the Night. Mean Scary Girlfriend. Yeah. It's Mean Scary Girlfriend.

[00:47:50] I just, I liked it. I liked it. Thanks. Okay, then. So you agree? So, yeah. I'm just looking back through my notes. You don't have notes. Yeah, I don't have any notes. All right. Don't, like, try to impress the listeners. His note says, ask Chet GPT what was the best sketch of the night. No. No. If I had to pick a pre-tap, it'd be Guns for Women. Honestly. No. No. No, no, no, no. That was funny, but it wasn't about a Mean Scary Girlfriend. No, but you misunderstood the question. We're talking about the funniest sketch of the night. Yeah. I think that it's probably the-

[00:48:20] It's Mean Scary Girlfriend. Okay. Whatever. I guess it's your show. All right. Thank you. Finally. We did it. All right. So, that's the show. We want to know- It was a vagina gun. How is that not hilarious? Okay. You're 12 again. You guys are rubes. We want to know what you think. Let us know in the comments. Comment on Spotify or our YouTube channel or Facebook or send us a message. You can also send us an audio note, I think, on our website, maybe.

[00:48:50] But- Keep those glunts clean. Ugh. Hey, what do we have next week? Next week is the return of Shane Gillis. The return of Shane Gillis. This will be the third episode in a row before they take a little bit of a break until Halloween. So, yeah. Shane is back. And who's on Halloween today? Indy Navarette from Obsession. That's right. That's right. So, are you guys excited about Shane Gillis? I'm very excited. Sure. No? What? Sure. Are you done with Shane? Okay. It has to be better than this. Oh, he's- I don't know.

[00:49:20] He's very good when he's on this show. Jesus Christ. You're an idiot. Why are you being- Why are you- They can't see your face. It's a podcast. You can't make a smug look. What do you mean? You can't do that and then expect the listener to know what the fuck is going on. They know. All right. I'm excited about it. Are you excited about it? I just don't think Shane's funny. See, you can't smile like that and say that. Because, well, you know what? Can you just cut that audio for me? And I just want to play that as his ringtone. I don't think Shane's funny.

[00:49:50] I don't think Shane's funny. That sounds like John Lovitz. I don't think Shane's funny. So what? You're not my friend anymore. That's a good way to end the show. All right. Well, again, thank you so much for listening. Truly, it's good to be back. If you haven't liked our Facebook page, we encourage you to do that. Subscribe to YouTube. Give us a rating if you haven't on Apple Music. It helps other people find us. Brad, where can people find you?

[00:50:17] You can find me on SlashFilm.com or on the SlashFilm Weekly Podcast. Or you can check out Brad's Junk at Look at Brad's Junk on TikTok or Instagram or Facebook. Posting about fun things. All right. You can also check out the Pop Culture Podcast. I knew you were going to keep going. If I did that, I should have shut up. Check that for fun stuff about movies and TV shows and just other stuff that's going on in pop culture. Glad you have a movie podcast, finally. I love talking about movies. And you know what? Check out Go Flicks Yourself. That's our other podcast.

[00:50:47] Yeah. All right. Well, you have anything else? No. Good, man. Getting married. Yeah, you are. So am I. Yeah, you're getting married in two weeks, though. Yeah, but Brad? Good job, guys. I have a girlfriend. All right. All right. Well, we'll be back next week. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Bye-bye.